How not to get taken advantage of; Learning to say no

It’s hard to say no, because basically, we all want people to like us. But the people who really take advantage of…the ones who manipulate really well, use that, and they tend to prey on the nice, kind hearted people who really want to help. But you have to say no. Otherwise you will begin to feel like a door mat. And yo don’t have to lie! Just be vague. And always very “busy.” Whatever it takes not to give in to these people. They aren’t your friends. They are just users.


20 thoughts on “How not to get taken advantage of; Learning to say no”

  1. Hi Marie,
    about my situation, the following week one day after class we headed down the same street to go back to our rooms and she mentioned something about a concert in a month or so. I didn't pay too much attention to it due to my suspicions of her trying to use me. also I feared that her friends were probably going to come along as well. after that she hasn't walked that way back to the room in weeks. we also haven't talked since then either. I have however ran into her a couple of times and she waved and smiled but other than that we haven't talked. she either takes a long time leaving the class or heads in the other direction. should I just leave it be?

  2. I have a friend who always asks me to babysit her kids. I honestly don't feel comfortable being alone with the kids at her house. And the oldest kid always defies my authority as a nanny. I just don't want to babysit them, but I want you to help me figure out how to tell her this without hurting her feelings?

  3. Today I say no to a coworker that lately has been commanding my help interrupting even when I was with a client, and she acted so surprised! that I felt the power of NO, I AM BUSY, her payback? an immediate last minute meeting in which I was the main course for  a pack of hungry wolves. boy they enjoyed every minute of bullying me! 

  4. Hi Marie, 
    I had broken up with my boyfriend. We had been going out for about 5 weeks. He is 20.. 2 years older than me. I found it so difficult to catch up with him and felt like I was making all the effort in the relationship. We went on one date. After that one date he would make excuses that he is too busy to drive the distance to catch up with me so I was nice enough to travel over an hour by bus and the catch the train to his house. Let's just say it was a disaster! 

    I have a friend who was interested in me before I started dating my ex. Now I'm beginning to wonder if I had made the wrong choice. I would love to just pick up where we left off but I don't know whether he has moved on. I had texted him recently and have been talking. When I started dating my ex I told him just so he wouldn't get too disappointed but I haven't told him yet that things didn't work out between us. What should I do? 
    Thanks 🙂 Vic

  5. thanks dear marie I always taken advantage.Theyre too nice when they need something but when I cant help they guilt me and say something rude.When I need help theyre no where to find.Please dear Marie help me!

  6. My parents guilt me when I cant offer them or help them and they tell awful things to my siblings.Iam always bad to their eyes no matter what I do . Please help me dear marie!

  7. Yesssss! Def learning things. Your videos are very reassuring of self thought. Thank you. It's crazy how you will genuinely want to help people and such, and that turns into a crazy cycle of being walked on… Wooooo. I'm learning that it's okay to have boundaries with negative vibrations.

  8. Hi Marie– This video helped! I would also like to ask you about something else associated with this topic: I have a friend that I've known for years and years. I really feel like this person is a lifelong friend. We've been through school together, weathered the death of loved ones, been there for one another, etc… BUT- over the years, I feel like the way she behaves toward her child is hurting our friendship. I'll give a few examples (and please forgive me for being so wordy)!:

    Firstly, just some basic background info: I'm single, no kids. She's married, with a kid. Just from those differences alone, we've grown apart a good deal/ our lives have gone in different directions.

    My friend and I live an hour and a half apart. I feel like it's always the case that I'm having to go over to her house to see her and do something that's kid friendly. I miss our adult time. Within a ten year period, i can count on one hand the number of times we've had adult get togethers. She has been to my house twice in that ten year time period. She's on the overprotective side/not keen about getting a babysitter, so this equates to the kid always coming along. And her child is nice, well-behaved, and so forth, but I just miss having one on one time with my friend. I've asked my friend at times to get together, just the two of us, but she always ends up bringing the kid anyway. If our group of friends has a party, she always brings the kid, whether or not the party is kid friendly. When she and I meet up, her kid always has the choice of what we do/ where we eat. On the rare, and I mean rare occasions that I've persuaded her to have an adult meet up with me, she is always checking her watch/calling to check on the kid/wanting to rush back home to see the kid, which drains all of the fun out of what she and I are trying to do.

    She asks me to do ungodly things for her kid (just the other day she asked me to pick her kid up from school… not stopping to think that it's a three hour all around trip for me just to transport her kid two miles from school to her home). When I told her that I was having car trouble (overheating) and might not be able to drive all the way out to her to take the kid home from school, her response was: "Have you thought about getting a new car?" Which- she knows I'm trying to hold off/can't do that right now because of finances/money is tight. And what drove me crazy about her request is that her husband and brother (who work part time and live in the same house with her) could easily make other arrangements for the kid to get home. Or, the kid could easily ride the bus home. Argh! The child is thirteen years old. Definitely old enough to ride the bus home once in a blue moon when there are no other options. I think she just has it in her head that I'll always say yes… something I've been guilty of in the past. Again, sorry for being so wordy. Any advice would be appreciated. I definitely feel like a doormat at the moment. Side note: When she asks these crazy illogical things of me, she usually adds, "You can say no" to the request. But I don't think she really means that. I think what she's really saying is "I know you'll say yes, so I'll throw that in there to make it sound like I didn't 'force' you." 🙁

  9. hi Marie nice video. question for you. how do you deal with friends who like to take the credit when things are running smoothly in situations and when they aren't they like to pass the blame on you and tells you its your fault and you need to sort it. please sdvise

  10. Hello Marie, there is a group project coming up and someone would like to be included in this group. The rest of the members don't like this person who is trying to join… We don't want to be rude by saying no so how can we nicely say it?

  11. my friend nathalie rose Allen is exactly like what you described I'm an 11 year old and she's 9 and I know I should not let her take advantage of me she kicked me out of her house today and when I shut the door behind me her mom was outside and my eyes were teary so she asked if I was OK and I said I was just fine and I regret that I wish I told her that her daughter kicked me out for the 3rd time but I didn't get to tell her and I walked home crying when I sat down on my porch I could hear her mom clearly yelling at her and nathalie confessed that she kicked me out she got like 5 whoopings I was happy after that…I guess😔😔😔

  12. I'm 36 and I still sometimes have a hard time saying 'no' to nice people but the problem is that those people who want something from you all the time, they might pretend they are nice always just to take advantage of you. Ugh! Thank you so much for your video and a valuable lesson!

  13. I wish I could have had you or someone like you as Psychotherapist. The idi ***s I went when I was younger were so disconnected, ignorants, and lacking​ of interest. Shame on them!.

  14. Sometimes when my friend asked me for something I jist want to say no but instead of saying no I jist say yes but sometimes I jist really really want to say no but I get shy to say it.

  15. I finely said no and stood up for myself. Man I feel great. I can now work around my house and not look over my shoulder waiting for someone to stop me so I can get their work done. Your video helped me do that. Thank God free at last.

  16. When I lived with my parents. I told them no finally and they wanted me gone. So I left. They were constantly asking me to do stuff for years.

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